Clouded view

A better view

Yesterday was my sixth day off work, not by choice. Most of the time I have spent the days hazy and tired from an array of painkillers. Feels like I've been taken back in time before my left hip was replaced. Unable to walk without a limp, unable to stand for any length of time and limited in my capacity to function without pain relief. The plan was for the right hip to be monitored and stabilised reducing as much deterioration as possible over the course of the next few years. My left hip was replaced with a shiny ceramic one three years ago, my right hip was to last five years - we are one and half years short of the plan.

I am not impressed. When I took this job, eight months ago I was relieved knowing that I would not be required to be on my feet all day. It would give me a balance of desk work, people engagement, autonomy and team, doing a job I enjoy. I didn't count on my body breaking down. Damn inconsiderate if you ask me.

And so I am fighting between bursts of energy whereby I burn the candle at both ends, frustrate my husband, as I try to achieve everything in a limited time before I crash and burn. Taking things to extreme as I occasionally do, I did crash only the other day, literally, into a 'speed bump' sign on my way home from work. Nothing like a message from the unknown - speed bump indeed.

I have one more week of work, five days to get a month's worth of work completed before I take some time off.  Chances of getting everything done are slim, I know, the job is ridiculous, but I will pretend it is possible. At least for the moment.

Looking outside the window I see spattering of rain on the window, I hear the wind howling around me and I can smell the dampness in the air. Forecasts for torrential rain and damaging storms are all around us, we are only getting the edges, barely enough to wet the ground. Annoying more than useful. Unfortunately the other parts of the state and indeed interstate are being battered about with flash flooding and homes damaged. This is also unhelpful and I hope everyone is able to stay safe.

Thankfully, we are not spending this weekend in the city as we did a fortnight ago given the weather would have dampened a few days of relaxation. Instead we enjoyed perfect conditions, to enjoy a surprise Bon Jovi concert, shop for some Christmas treats, explore another escape room  and even ventured to the roof top pool of our hotel for a paddle in between sampling a range of culinary delights. This is when the frustration of my hip really kicked in. The intensity of the pain was so severe we needed to find a doctor in the CBD on a Sunday morning. From this point we have not quite recovered.

Conversations about selling stock, buying feed, leasing, agisting, selling are frequent and again frustrating. Couple this with discussions and debates about our pending English adventure and sometimes its easier to bury your head into a good book, watch a lame sitcom or troll the pages of Facebook until your mind is numb. Or, as is my reality at present, take enough painkillers and you can be numb all over - physically, emotionally and academically. Makes getting anything completed near impossible.

With the end of the year on our doorstep I find myself reflecting and contemplating. Change again is raising its head and I'm at a loss.

Until next time,
N