Mellow moments

It's a mellow Saturday here at Rivergum. On this rare occasion I am home alone, if you don't count the animals, and I'm not doing anything in a hurry today. After a full week navigating work commitments, health issues of my father, bureaucracy of corporate organisations and life in general I'm stretched and starting to twang. Enjoying a leisurely sleep-in (yes, 7am is a sleep-in) I didn't actually get up for a bit longer but I enjoyed the opportunity to read The Big Issue, surf the net, with no particular goal in mind, stare out the window and have a few conversations with my cat Meep, who seemed determined to get me out of bed to feed her, and her buddy, Lilly. Cup of green tea made, an essential each morning, I have pottered around the house noticing how neglected it has become in the rush of the week. The washing piles (yes plural!) are overflowing, the grass is long,  the dust is well settled on all the furniture. The washing will get my attention but the rest will have to wait. Today, I have other plans, well at least good intentions to complete some book work for my studies. However, before rushing to that task I have enjoyed a walk outside, with the three pooches in tow, fed the hens and given a cursory inspection of the cows, all very contended

Entertaining me

Mellow cat style

and relaxed in their paddocks. The sun is shining but the wind chill is crisp. Our newest trees, planted this week, are looking healthy despite the dry soil they have been planted in. We have experienced small spurts of rain, enough to keep the plants feet moist. We lost a dozen or so young sapling recently and its hard not to get frustrated at times. All that work gone in a matter of hours. But, dwelling on disasters is not productive and we can only move forward with each setback. Sitting here at my desk this morning,  I can appreciate the serenity, the view and the blessing it is to have such space around me. Chatting to my hairdresser last night, also a farmer, we both agreed that if you can't enjoy what we have, then farming is simply another anchor around your neck, weighing you down causing back ache beyond measure. So, a little down time and reflection is good for the soul and certainly good for my health. I have a condition which raises its ugly head as a warning, inflaming the muscles around my chest, it makes it hard for me to breathe and eventually it renders me useless until I remove the stress factors and rest. Recently, the chest is tightening again and I am heeding the warning signs to back off and stress less. Well, at least for

A distracting view

today anyway.

My workspace

Last night was whole different story. We received a call from my father's nursing home Thursday morning telling us he had "a turn" and wasn't very good. Naturally as luck would have it, I was working in Melbourne and Daryl in Traralgon. Having conversations with staff, the expectation is that sensible steps would be taken to ensure a diagnosis and then treatment, but its seems that in aged care that is not the case. I will not bore you with the details except to say, there followed numerous phone calls and lengthy visits to the facility, finally ending in terse words and subtle threats to take steps to a higher authority if the medical care was not forthcoming. Amazingly enough my father has finally been assessed and is being treated accordingly - more than 48 hours after the fact. This is what we have to look forward to, if we are unfortunate enough to end up in a nursing home. At ten o'clock last night after the final phone call ensuring my father was in a better state, I was even too tired to have a glass of wine. Today, he is stable and is expected to improve with each passing day. I'm not sure why it's all so hard, we pay a fortune for him reside in this facility and yet they are under resourced, and staff are stretched to capacity. It's just not ok. However, let's move on to nicer conversations, my chest is tightening just typing this portion.

Curious creatures

Happy hens

Rivergum update: We have finally decided on a label (pictured) for our egg cartons and I am so excited for the final product to arrive in our mail. After umming and ahhhing for some time, we have gone for simple and bright - much like our hens, who after weeks of feeding, they are starting to produce some eggs, albeit small in size for most of them, the eggs will no doubt increase in volume and quality over time. In the meantime they are being well guarded by our two alpacas who are also enjoying a feed of hay in their new hay feeder today. We have started to feed them pellets and they are slowly becoming more friendly. Ever curious, they are funny creatures who it seems can be easily trained. Maybe we could get a few more, to keep the foxes at bay and away from our calves.

Ready for a new home 

Ready for planting

Our most recent additions have settled in well into the farm. The 13 steers are keeping five heifers company as we need to keep them (the heifers) away from the bull who has come to play with the cows for a few months. The heifers, who are just gorgeous and fat, will go to a new home on Monday, having just sold them privately. We are contemplating changing from breeders to steers, maybe keeping a couple of cows, because I like having the little ones around.

Inspecting the work

Fattening steers can be less work and certainly less stressful without the complications of birthing. We are still in the research phase on this one. Despite some welcome rain, it is too little, too late and we will be unable to cut hay this year. The growth is sparse and not worth the expense of contractors. So we will be on the lookout for good quality pasture hay soon. Around the house the plumbing works, which of course became bigger than anticipated, are completed and Daryl can finally concentrate on the footings for the carport, which is how this whole plumbing project started. While hay is not a goer this year, the rain

Plumbing pain

has boosted our fruit trees and they are blooming and budding all over the place. We are slowly replacing the citrus that died in the frosts and it is inspiring to see the new green shoots on each plant. The same goes for our gum trees that are also rejuvenating after being hit hard in the recent frosts. Speaking of rejuvenating, the same cannot be said for our house windows which are in the throes of being scraped and sanded and painted to give them a new lease of life. Four have been completed but I still have nine windows and three door frames to go. Motivation come at me, because I can't find you!

New growth 

While I have been typing, my tea has gone cold and the sun has hidden behind the increasing cloud cover; the breeze floating through my window has chilled. It may be time to move onto my next project for the day.
Wishing you all a moment of serenity and time for reflection sometime today.

Until next time,

N

Life...

Most nights I think about not having a glass of wine; most nights I end up pouring a glass of claret and often a second. It is one way of slowing the thinking process, slowing the heart beat and ultimately relaxing into a warm, happy place where life moves a little slower, the noises are a little duller and my responses are a little softer.
In my world, I have learnt this is a good way to end the day. I doubt I am alone in my strategies to get through and I suspect many people have more than a drink or two, and I've decided this is ok. Rebuilding a farm, working full-time, studying, managing the affairs of a demented relative and worrying about our very large brood, can fill up a person's day. Lately, I have watched Daryl work himself to exhaustion, gallantly trying complete numerous farm projects and support me as I try to help transform and keep the farm flourishing. I have watched him battling to reign in his own emotions as he tries to reconcile his reality, with the infinite hope we all have as parents. The frustration, the hurt, the disappointment  he feels is worked through with a shovel, shotgun and a lot of sweat. I manage by writing, reading and generally escaping in words. For two people who seem to have such differing coping mechanisms we are well matched. We share common ideals and goals, we share a dream invested in this land, and we hope for a future filled with our ever growing family and friends.

Unbreakable bonds

Farming, for those that have never experienced it, can seem like an endless list of jobs, never ending tasks that need fixing and 24 hour responsibilities for the welfare of animals. They are right, but there is also the satisfaction of achievement, of being close to nature and forming bonds with our stock and pets. There is the sense of space, freedom and a million stars twinkling down at you on a clear night. It never gets tiring. These are the same stars that used to look down on my parents. They ran this farm for more than 30 years, poorly towards the end but stubbornly attempted to hang on to it, regardless. They no longer see the twinkling stars. Next month will be four years since my mother died and my father doesn't remember what day of the week it is, or who I am on any given day. While we did not share a positive parental relationship, I cannot help but feel empathy for him in his current state and some days I think I understand my mum better, these days, than I ever did growing up. I suspect she suffered some serious mental health issues and my brother and I paid the price for it. My father, absent and distant during our formative years, has returned to this state thanks to a stroke impairing his cognitive function and exacerbating the Alzheimers Dementia that had already invaded his brain. He will spend his last days contending with declining physical health and reducing cognitive function. Health care staff will make him as comfortable as possible, keep him fed and cleaned and medicated. I will make the decisions effecting every aspect of his remaining life. My

Quite the team

husband supports me as I do this. We are a good team.
The wine does not dissolve any of the disappointment, solve any of the challenges or wipe away memories, but it does symbolise celebration and enjoyment of life. So here is a toast to all that life offers. May the stars keep twinkling above you and remind you that each day is a gift.

Until next time,

N

Making progress

Steel rods and an auger, the only way to break through the ground

It's been a productive period of time here at Rivergum. While the winter chill is causing frosty damage to many plants, it has not deterred us from getting outdoors and getting busy.

The little bulls have graduated to the big paddock and they are now contendedly munching on hay and 'crunchies' plus enjoying warm milk twice a day. It took some convincing for the boys to realise that the calf muesli, otherwise known as 'crunchies' is very tasty. After some helpful advice from our neighbour, Daryl shoved some of the muesli down their throats and in no time at all they got it happening all by themselves. Growing at a rapid pace, the boys are demanding and vocal if we don't get down to their paddock to feed them when it suits them, and when we do its a battle to keep the feeders on the fence without getting covered in milk, as it is thrown everywhere with a couple of bucks of their hard heads. Despite their impatience we are thrilled to see them thriving.
Since I last wrote we have only had one more calf born to our herd, another bull. We have 17 cows ready to calve and a six week gap is most unusual. Hopefully the girls get a move on very soon.
As mentioned earlier the harsh frosts this season have hurt our new fruit trees and we have lost a number of them now. Some of our native saplings are burnt on the top, but hopefully they will hang in there. We spent some time planting 21 native tree seedlings down the driveway and it is finally starting to look new and improved. At the end of our planting session Carol and I were so thankful we have a small auger to dig the holes. The ground is so hard we managed to bend two steel rods

The beginning of our new front entry

used to create holes, so the bamboo sticks could support the tree guards.  Daryl and Zac had their own challenges getting the ripper to drop deep enough to rip the trenches ready for the pipe and after much adjusting and perseverance the pipe was in the ground, perfectly.

Thanks to the efforts of our friends,  Daryl's dad, sister and brother-in-law, we have managed to complete more fencing, plant trees, oil the fence posts and new front feature fence, lay new pipework for the troughs and hook up the bore pump. Daryl has worked relentlessly on his days off, making huge improvements and still managing to keep fixing and sorting everything else that breaks down or collapses - like the morass fence line. In the gale force winds of Sunday we were left with no choice but to sort the cattle back out after the fence fell down allowing our pregnant mumma cows to walk into the morass - a big no-no at this stage. The cows did not appreciate our efforts and our efforts were thwarted by the howling winds and frayed tempers. The quad bike got a severe workout, as did my legs trying to hold on everytime I had to go back and round the beasts back up. In the end we won but it really was hard yakka.
With no rain in sight and the grass unable to grow we have had to make the decision to buy more hay. The cattle will need to be fed for longer and we have little to offer them on the ground. Soon we will endeavour to fatten up the steers and move them on to market. Keeping them, as we would prefer, is not looking  possible without a major injection of feed. We will be sad to see them leave us early, but I'm not sure we have any other choice.

Growing boys

In amongst all this productivity we have spent considerable time working with aged care staff to transition my father to a more suitable facility where he can receive higher level care. Despite anticipated challenges the move went well and he is slowly settling into his new surrounds. The location is closer to our home and this makes it easier for us to support him and drop in for a quick hello. His health continues to decline however, his stubbornness and negative tongue does not. Growing old with dementia is not dignified. It does not afford you quality of life in your twilight years and it challenges family and friends around you in ways you can never imagine, unless you have, or are, experiencing it yourself. The system is under-resourced, like so many others where dollars are more important than people. In an industry which is supposed to be about care and dignity, its a shambles. It is only thanks to certain individuals, who care for the residents, that make the process even a little palatable.
On a brighter note, Daryl and I were fortunate enough to spend an evening attending a fundraising event to raise money for a friend who is struggling with cancer. What a wonderful way to raise people's spirits and generosity and support someone in such a difficult position. The trivia night was fun (we came third place) and there was lots of reminiscing, on Daryl's part anyway, as they were mainly from his school days, laughter and fun. Who knew so many gold coins could add up to so much. I don't personally know the lady suffering but I am so thankful she has friends around her who have rallied us all to help. It was indeed a grand gesture and while it may not cure her it will alleviate some financial woes and hopefully allow her and her family to enjoy life as much as possible.
This weekend we are leaving Rivergum for some much needed rest and relaxation and leaving the farm in the hands of my daughter and her partner. I hope they enjoy a little country life and we are so grateful to have people we can call on when we need a hand. We are indeed blessed.

I hope you enjoy the following photos.

Every bit of help makes a huge difference

Teamwork at its best!

Farmer in training. Fantastic daughter.

Looking and feeling weary

Oiled up

Our handiwork

Before and after oiling - what a difference.

The ripper didn't want to play at the beginning

Ever helpful, Carol.

Chooks enjoying the newly ripped trench

Problem solving

Too many mornings like this one

Until next time,
N

Crazy, windy, perfect

Today was a good day. 

Simple, uncomplicated and unplanned. It is a rarity.

Taking a small break from farm duties, that is after checking one of our cows who is showing all the signs of an impending birth but seems too busy eating to calve, tending to my little flock of hens and feeding the furballs and puppies, I decided to make an effort and take dad out for the day. Daryl and Bek were at work and I was left to my own adventures.

Crazy, windy, wonderful

With all the good intentions in the world, I messaged two of Dad’s friends and organised to bring him to visit, also organised some of the kids to meet us for lunch. Off I went, travelled for half an hour, only to be greeted by a cantankerous, surly, man who refused to get off the bed. He got a little mouthy, at the nurse, as she put his socks and shoes on. Insisting he was too sick to come out, in one breath, and in the other, proclaiming he did not need any medication as he wasn’t sick at all! I am told he has been refusing his medication, but he doesn’t remember that of course. Dementia is a bitch of an illness and plays cruel tricks on people. It is incredibly frustrating on the sufferer and equally challenging for family and friends trying to work through it. Dementia brings out the worst traits in people. With no filter in place any more, sufferers cannot hide behind the veil of correctness that the rest of us have mastered during our lifetime. Arguing with them is futile, and unfair. The best option is to wish them a speedy recovery, and walk away. Which is precisely what I did.

Despite dad’s refusal, we all decided to go ahead with lunch, so I quickly bolted back home, did a few more domestic tasks and dropped over to the neighbour, who was expecting dad for a cuppa. Explaining the change in plans, Bob and I chatted amicably for a few minutes and he handed me another couple of movies to watch. Our neighbours have an amazing collection of British tv series, movies and all manner of other shows. It’s like a dvd store but better!

Best of friends. Faithful companions. 

It was now time to shop. Arriving in Rosedale, with a voucher in hand, I went to the plant nursery and proceeded to wander, finally settling next door in the café with a cup of ‘real’ tea and the Sunday paper, while waiting for the young ones. Good music was playing in the background and the owners have created a relaxing, welcoming atmosphere. I found myself gazing out the window in-between reading snippets out of the paper, thoroughly enjoying my own company, at least for a few minutes. The kids arrived, chess was played, and colouring completed as we enjoyed delicious wood fired pizzas and a few drinks. Family news was exchanged as plans were made and before we expected, time had passed and it was mid-afternoon. 

Rounding off the afternoon I collected the dogs and ventured to the beach. Crazy windy, the beach was deserted for the most part and the waves were crashing. The pups just loved it and so did I. Peaceful and perfect already, it was improved by a surprise visit by a friend. We chatted, about nothing important, and simply enjoyed a moment. My friend is unwell, moments are fewer than they used to be and these days, more than ever, I cherish every memory we make. Today, as the wind whirled around our ears and the pups tangled in our toes, my heart was full and my soul sang a happy song.

Returning home, the pups and I checked that cow again, she was still eating, and so with the rain falling we finished the outside chores, soaked to my underwear it was time to call it quits and pick up Bek. Feeling generous we cleaned Daryl’s car (which I was driving) and Bek got to enjoy her favourite activity – going through the carwash!

My most favourite place in the world.

As darkness closed in and we were enjoying the warmth of the kitchen, our house phone rang, Bek and I both checked the number display and I answered knowing it would be relatives from England. The only other people who use that phone are salesman and my father-in-law. Fortunately, I had already enjoyed a kahlua and coke, because it was not the conversation I expected. In fact, I’m still processing it. Seems for more than 45 years they believed I was the biological child of my parents, so imagine the shock when they read a previous blog referring to my adoptive mother. 

Mmmmm the questions, so many questions.

Until next time,

N