Layer by Layer

Twenty seven years ago I packed  a small bag and left the farm I grew up on, with little more than a backward glance. Barely 18 years old, filled with anger and bitterness, I finished my final HSC (year 12) exam and moved out the next day. I did not say anything to my parents, no goodbyes and no tears - I  would not return to the farm for a long time. Moving back here in 2015, was nothing short of a miracle, a decision that defied logic or reason. In my wildest fantasies I never imagined I would be here once again. But, there is something rejuvenating about living on the land, it is organic, spiritual, impossible to explain. Its presence captures your heart and soul and never really lets you go, at least it did for me. So now this place, formerly my childhood home, is once again where I return to each day, this time with enthusiasm and hope. These are, for me, foreign emotions never before associated with this land, and I am caught by surprise.  Maybe I'm finally learning to let go. These days I find myself staring into the paddocks or looking to the morass, all wild and crazy, and I remember so many things. I watch the havoc caused by the howling westerly wind and my emotions roar with it. The silence of the night sky thunders around me and I wrestle in my dreams. Returning here is exhausting. Yet it seems, layer by layer, as the farm is rebuilt, so am I.

Rivergum continues to change and improve, slowing morphing into something new and transformed. The never ending clean up continues, old fences are brought down and new ones replace them; scrap metal is picked up and put on the monstrous pile; machinery is bought and sold, rabbits breed faster than we could ever eradicate them and the eggs are again being laid in abundance, despite the presence of those sneaky foxes.

We recently bought some more cows - nine Angus mumma cows and 10 calves (one set of twins) - an exciting addition to our little herd. We will also sell our first group of steers next week. Also very exciting and a little daunting. The new chicken paddock is progressing and soon our 35 hens will have a new home. On the technological front, a new website will soon be up and running. So watch this space.

The past few months have posed some interesting challenges, to me and my family, and despite being a reasonably resilient character I have found myself floundering, frustrated and struggling to see the proverbial silver lining. In fact, you could say I'm fairly crusty at certain parts of the universe right now. But in the darkness, the place I use to run from, has become the place I yearn to run to.

Funny how life takes you places you don't want to go and then turns it into a gift.

Until next time

N